| Funny Signs |
| 20 Percent Stud 80 Percent Muffin | 5651 |
| 5 Out Of 4 People Have A Problem With Fractions | 922 |
| 667 Evil And Then Some | 5708 |
| A Day Without Sunshine Is Like Night | 921 |
| A Diet Is A Selection Of Food That Makes Other People Lose Weight | 942 |
| A fool and his money can throw one hell of a party! | 4119 |
| A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey, why the long face?" | 4631 |
| A Man's Motto To Live By: Life Should Not Be A Journey To The Grave With The Intentions Of Arriving Safely In Attractive And Well Preserved Body, But Rather To Skid In Sideways. Cigar In One Hand Beer In The Other Body Thoroughly Used Up, Totally Worn Out And Screaming Woo Hoo! What A Ride! | 5880 |
| A Woman Without A Man Is Like A Fish Without A Bicycle | 716 |
| Adjust | 481 |
| Alcohol! I only drink to make you more interesting! | 4512 |
| All You Need Is Love And A Beer | 4261 |
| Alright. . .Who Cut One?! (image of trees in a row) | 4547 |
| Any Woman Can Have The Body Of A 21 Year Old As Long As She Buys Him A Few Drinks First | 5731 |
| Anything that CAN go wrong, WILL go wrong. . .and if nothing has gone wrong. . .you obviously DON'T UNDERSTAND the situation. | 4290 |
| Ask Not What Your Mother Can Do For You But Ask Only What You Can Do For Your Mother | 203 |
| Attitude Problem | 391 |
| Avid Indoorsman | 5642 |
| Bassackwards | 212 |
| Be Afraid..Be Very Afraid | 5609 |
| Be Nice Or Go Away | 286 |
| Bed & Breakfast ~ You make both | 4048 |
| Behold: Fartacus | 5941 |
| Beware Of Wife | 891 |
| Black Sheep | 485 |
| Blessed are the hairstylists for they bring out the beauty in others. | 4632 |
| Boldly Going Nowhere | 600 |
| Business Hours: We Are Open: We Are Open For Business Most Days About 8:30 am. Some Days As Early As 6 Or 7, But Occasionally As Late As 12:30 Or 1, But Usually Around 9 Unless It's Later. We Are Closed: We Close At 5 Or 6, Sometimes At 4. If All Hell Breaks out at home we close at 3. Occasionally we're open as late as 11:30 or 12 pm, depending. Some afternoons, mornings, or entire days we aren't even here at all, but lately we've been open all the time, except when we're closed, but really we should be here then too, unless we left early. | 5830 |
| Business Prayer For The Day: Dear God, May All Obstacles Be Cleared From My Path And Rivals Be Saddled With Setbacks. Thank You. Amen. | 5578 |
| Can I Get Caller ID For The Voices In My Head? | 5709 |
| Can't, I'm Booked (image of books) | 4549 |
| Cancel My Subscription, I Don't Need Your Issues. | 631 |
| Caution: You Are In The Whatever Zone | 5707 |
| Changing The Toilet Paper Roll Does Not Cause Brain Damage | 205 |
| Chaos, Panic, & Disorder. My Work Here Is Done | 601 |
| Check Out Time: 18 | 5616 |
| Cheers to the frikin' weekend! I'll drink to that! | 4513 |
| Cinderella is proof. . .shoes can change your life! | 4451 |
| Clothing Optional Beyond This Point | 4503 |
| Coffee, Chocolate, Men...The Richer The Better | 750 |
| Crazytown, USA | 215 |
| Curmudgeon | 221 |
| Dark Matter Made Me Do It | 5712 |
| Deadlines Amuse Me | 622 |
| Dear God, Deliver Us From Mondays | 5643 |
| Deja Moo: The Feeling You've Heard This Bull Before | 5950 |
| Denial Is My Happy Place | 5996 |
| Diplomacy: The Art Of Letting Others Do It My Way | 603 |
| Diva | 455 |
| Do I Look Like A Freakin' People Person?! | 5039 |
| DO NOT Make Me Use My Nurse Voice! | 4291 |
| Do Not Treat Me Any Differently Than You Would The Queen | 5614 |
| Do You Really Want Me To Open Up My Can Of Bitch?! | 5945 |
| Do You Really Want Me To Open Up My Can Of Whoop-Ass?! | 366 |
| Do, Or Do Not. There Is No Try - Jedi Master Yoda | 5099 |
| Domestically Disabled | 5579 |
| Don't Mess With The Cooks Buns | 835 |
| Drama Queen | 866 |
| Dumbass (with fish graphic) | 4461 |
| Dust Protects Furniture | 918 |
| Dysfunction Junction | 331 |
| Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway. | 5706 |
| Empty Promises, Calculated Betrayal, Sociopathic Greed; Just Another Monday | 621 |
| Errors Have Been Made Others Will Be Blamed | 241 |
| Families Are Like Fudge, Mostly Sweet With A Few Nuts! | 4037 |
| Five Tips For A Woman: 1 - It Is Important That A Man Helps You Around The House And Has A Job. 2 - It Is Important That A Man Makes You Laugh. 3 - It Is Important To Find A Man You Can Count On And | 306 |
| For Every Action There Is An Equal And Opposite Government Program | 604 |
| Frazzled | 356 |
| Freshly Baked | 5929 |
| Friends Are Forever, Guys Are Whatever | 5007 |
| Friends Are Like Underpants: Some crawl up your ass. Some snap under pressure. Some don't have the strength to hold you up. Some get a little twisted. Some support you. Some are your favorite. Some are cheap and just get bent out of shape. And some actually do cover your ass when you need them to!! | 4476 |
| Fughedaboutit | 846 |
| Get Your Dance On! | 4151 |
| Give Me Ambiguity Or Give Me Something Else | 626 |
| Golf - A good walk ruined. - Mark Twain (1835-1910) | 4339 |
| Got Baseball? | 5029 |
| Got Beer? | 5008 |
| Got Chocolate? | 5011 |
| Got Favre? | 5026 |
| Got Football? | 5027 |
| Got Hoops? | 5012 |
| Got Kids? | 5028 |
| Got Latte? | 5010 |
| Got Movies? | 5661 |
| Got Music? | 5580 |
| Got Wine? | 5009 |
| Grand Central Station (Lg) | 511 |
| Grand Central Station (Sm) | 260 |
| Grand Poobah | 4399 |
| Happiness Is Finding Two Olives In Your Martini When You Are Hungry. ~ Johnny Carson | 5856 |
| Happy Place | 5684 |
| Hard work has definitely killed people. | 4083 |
| Having No Freckles Is Like Having No Stars In The Sky | 304 |
| He Who Has The Fastest Cart Never Has A Bad Lie | 893 |
| Hell Hath No Fury Like A Dad Who's Tools Are Missing | 5089 |
| Holiday Inn | 961 |
| Holla! | 5095 |
| Home Is Where The Brownies Are | 5899 |
| Home Is Where Your RV Is | 319 |
| Honest Criticism Is Hard To Take, Particularly From A Relative, A Friend, An Acquaintance, Or A Stranger | 471 |
| Housework, If You Do It Right, Will Kill You. ~ Erma Bombeck | 332 |
| How Can I Control My Life If I Can't Control My Hair? | 906 |
| How to Please a Woman: Love her, die for her, take her to dinner, miss the game for her, buy her jewelry, be interested in what she has to say... How to Please a Man: Show up naked. Bring Beer. | 4095 |
| I Am Queen - My Pantyhose Say So! | 4239 |
| I am ready to face any challenges that are foolish enough to face me. ~Dwight Schrute | 4139 |
| I believe if you wear enough pretty lipstick, sparkly jewelry, and great shoes no one will even notice the size of your ass. | 4404 |
| I Can See Clearly Now My Brain Is Gone | 217 |
| I Childproofed My House But They Managed To Get In Anyway | k6052 |
| I Didn't Ask To Be Princess But Hey..If The Crown Fits | 5047 |
| I Didn't Ask To Be Queen But Hey, If The Crown Fits | 5719 |
| I Didn't Do It | 308 |
| I Do My Own Stunts | 620 |
| I Don't Like To Commit Myself About Heaven And Hell..You See, I Have Friends In Both Places. ~ Mark Twain | 4026 |
| I Don't Skinny Dip I Chunky Dunk | 545 |
| I don't work out. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor. | 4551 |
| I Feel A Sin Coming On | 5869 |
| I Googled Myself And Found Nothing | 5740 |
| I have no idea what I really want. But I won't be satisfied until I get it. | 4552 |
| I Have PMS And ESP That Makes Me A Bitch That Knows Everything | 5836 |
| I Haven't Been Quite Right Since They Took My Blankie Away | 5735 |
| I Keep Hitting The Escape Button But I'm Still Here | 5732 |
| I Kiss Better Than I Cook | k6037 |
| I Know God Will Not Give Me Anything I Can't Handle. I Just Wish He Didn't Trust Me So Much | 5953 |
| I know I'm in my own little world, but it's OK, they know me here | 4173 |
| I Listen To The Voices In My Closet | 5698 |
| I Listen To The Voices In My Jewelry Box | 5697 |
| I Love The Nights I Can't Remember With The Friends I Can't Forget | 5654 |
| I may be old but that's ok...I got to see all the good bands. | 4569 |
| I Only Have A Kitchen Because It Came With The House | 204 |
| I Started Out With Nothing I Still Have Most Of It Left | 919 |
| I Tried Being Good But I Got Bored | 5687 |
| I Understand The Concepts Of Cooking And Cleaning..Just Not As To How They Would Apply To Me | 5992 |
| I Want What I Want And I Want It Delivered! | 4018 |
| I Was Wrong Once; I Thought I Made A Mistake | 920 |
| I Went On A Diet. No Drinking. No Heavy Eating. In Fourteen Days I Lost 2 Weeks. | 5751 |
| I'd Rather Be Riding My Scooter | 5959 |
| I'll Have A Cafe, Mocha, Vodka, Valium Latte To Go Please | 5951 |
| I'll Think About That Tomorrow. . .Tomorrow Is Another Day - Scarlett O'Hara | 4288 |
| I'm Kind Of A Big Deal | 5705 |
| I'm Not Irish, But I Hope To Get Lucky! | 5794 |
| I'm Not With Stupid Anymore | 760 |
| I'm On A Boat | 4248 |
| I'm Only As Strong As The Girlfriends I Have, The Cocktails I Drink, And The Hairspray I Use | 5846 |
| I'm Schizophrenic And So Am I | 869 |
| I'm So Far Behind I Think I'm In First | 926 |
| I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like Having You Here | 5640 |
| I'm The Boss! My Wife Said I Could Be | 5656 |
| I've Turned Procrastination Into An Art Form | 5734 |
| If a man speaks in the middle of a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? | 4449 |
| If Assholes Could Fly This Place Would Be An Airport | 5972 |
| If I only had a tiara and nice cape I could rule the world! | 4406 |
| If I Were You I'd Turn Back Now | 5607 |
| If Idiots Grew On Trees, This Place Would Be An Orchard | 581 |
| If It Has Tires Or Testicles It's Gonna Give You Trouble | 392 |
| If it has tits or tires it's gonna cost you money! | 4342 |
| If It Weren't For The Last Minute Nothing Would Ever Get Done | 924 |
| If The Shoe Fits, Buy It In Every Color | 618 |
| If you are going to act like a turd go lay in the yard | 4462 |
| If You Are Smoking In Here You Had Better Be On Fire | 721 |
| If you can read this sign you are in range | 4214 |
| If You Can't Say Anything Good About Someone, Sit Next To Me! | 5688 |
| If You Can't Stand The Heat Don't Tickle The Dragon | 5535 |
| If You Can't Stand The Heat, Don't Tickle The Dragon (lg) | 5037 |
| If you do a foolish thing do it like you mean it | 4624 |
| If You Met My Family You Would Understand | 5952 |
| If Your Cell Phone Is Ringing In Here It Had Better Be A Direct Call From God! | 5955 |
| In dog beers, I've only had one. | 4343 |
| Inner Peace Through Impulse Purchasing | 707 |
| Inside Every Older Person Is A Younger Person Wondering What The Hell Happened?! | 4518 |
| Irish Blessing: As You Slide Down The Banister Of Life May The Splinters Never Point The Wrong Way | 873 |
| Is This The Rowdy Section | 5508 |
| It Takes A Lot Of Talent To Get A Month Behind In One Day | 214 |
| It Wasn't Me | 309 |
| It Would Be So Nice If Something Would Make Sense For A Change. ~ Alice In Wonderland | 4307 |
| It's All About Me | 959 |
| It's All About Me (sm) | 4038 |
| It's All Fun And Games Till Someone Loses A Nut | 5015 |
| It's All Good | 4298 |
| It's Always Something ~ Gilda Radner | 386 |
| It's Definitely A Bubble-Bath Day | 5038 |
| It's Good To Be Bad ~ Cruella DeVil | 4306 |
| It's good to be King. | 4084 |
| It's Good To Be Queen | 825 |
| It's just one dam project after another! (beaver graphic) | 4635 |
| It's not who's right, but who's left. | 4207 |
| It's what I do. | 4361 |
| Jenius | 826 |
| Just Another Day In Paradise | 708 |
| Just Another Day In Paradise (Lg) | 376 |
| Just Deal. | 482 |
| Keep Calm and Go For A Run | 4612 |
| Keep Calm And Have A Cupcake | 4574 |
| King Crabby Pants | 5938 |
| Laundry.. Pretreat..Today ~ Sort....Tomorrow ~ Wash...Later ~ Dry... Soon ~ Fold...Maybe ~ Iron...Get Real | 359 |
| Lead Me Not Into Temptation For I Can Find It Myself | 5741 |
| Let The Good Times Roll | 5072 |
| Let's Have An Ass Slappin' Good Time! | 5932 |
| Life Is All About Ass; You're Either Covering It, Laughing It Off, Kicking It, Kissing It, Busting It, Trying To Get A Piece Of It, Behaving Like One, Or You Live With One | 4010 |
| Life Is Made Of Choices - Remove Your Shoes Or Scrub The Floor | 4245 |
| Life's A Hoot! | 4376 |
| Life's so short and you never know what's coming around the corner so you just gotta sparkle when you can. ~Little old lady in the restaurant bathroom who liked my sparkly top | 4519 |
| Listen: We are here on earth to fart around. Don't let anybody tell you anything different. ~ Kurt Vonnegut Jr. | 4085 |
| Love Stinks (skunk graphic) | 4599 |
| Make Good Choices | 311 |
| Make Tea Not War ~ Monty Python | 476 |
| Man Cave | 5943 |
| Manure Happens | 466 |
| Manure Occureth | 5005 |
| Many people have eaten my cooking & gone on to lead normal lives | 4521 |
| Master Of My Domain | 5757 |
| Meddle Thee Not In The Affairs Of Dragons For Thou Art Crunchy And Wouldst Be Tasty With Ketchup | 5973 |
| Member Of The Hysterical Society | 474 |
| Men Are From Mars Women Are From Visa | 5619 |
| Middle Child | 475 |
| Mirror Mirror On The Wall, What The Hell Happened?! | 5910 |
| Mom's Ten Commandments: 1. Shut the doors. 2. Finish your chores. 3. Make your bed. 4. Leave unkind words unsaid. 5. Pick up your mess. 6. Be neat in your dress. 7. Thou shall not tease. 8. Say thank you and please. 9. Love one another. 10. Especially your Mother. | 4431 |
| Money Isn't Everything (But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch) | 832 |
| Money Talks, Mine Says Goodbye | 566 |
| Motto to Live By - Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, beer in one hand, brat in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming, Woo Hoo what a ride! | 4322 |
| Motto To Live By: Life Should Not Be A Journey To The Grave With The Intention Of Arriving Safely In An Attractive And Well Preserved Body, But Rather To Skid In Sideways, Chocolate In One Hand, Martini In The Other, Body Thoroughly Used Up Totally Worn Out And Screaming Woo Hoo What A Ride! | 979 |
| Motto To Live By: Life Should Not Be A Journey To The Grave With The Intention Of Arriving Safely In An Attractive And Well Preserved Body, But Rather To Skid In Sideways, Cowboy In One Hand, Horse In The Other, Body Thoroughly Used Up Totally Worn Out And Screaming Woo Hoo What A Ride! | 5977 |
| Motto To Live By: Life Should Not Be A Journey To The Grave With The Intention Of Arriving Safely In An Attractive And Well Preserved Body, But Rather To Skid In Sideways, Body Thoroughly Used Up, Totally Worn Out And Screaming, Woo Hoo, What A Ride! | 5539 |
| Motto To Live By: Life Should Not Be A Journey To The Grave With The Intention Of Arriving Safely In An Attractive And Well Preserved Body, But Rather To Skid In Sideways, Chocolate In One Hand, Beer In The Other, Body Thoroughly Used Up, Totally Worn Out | 617 |
| Motto To Live By: Life Should Not Be A Journey To The Grave With The Intention Of Arriving Safely In An Attractive And Well Preserved Body, But Rather To Skid In Sideways, Chocolate In One Hand, Latte In The Other, Body Thoroughly Used Up, Totally Worn Out | 616 |
| Motto To Live By: Life Should Not Be A Journey To The Grave With The Intention Of Arriving Safely In An Attractive And Well Preserved Body, But Rather To Skid In Sideways, Chocolate In One Hand, Margarita In The Other, Body Thoroughly Used Up Totally Worn Out And Screaming Woo Hoo What A Ride! | 5064 |
| Motto To Live By: Life Should Not Be A Journey To The Grave With The Intention Of Arriving Safely In An Attractive And Well Preserved Body, But Rather To Skid In Sideways, Chocolate In One Hand, Wine In The Other, Body Thoroughly Used Up Totally Worn Out And Screaming Woo Hoo What A Ride! | 743 |
| Motto To Live By: Life Should Not Be A Journey To The Grave With The Intention Of Arriving Safely In An Attractive And Well Preserved Body, But Rather To Skid In Sideways, Cigar In One Hand, Whiskey In The Other, Body Throroughly Used Up Totally Worn Out And Screaming Woo Hoo, What A Ride! | 4388 |
| Motto To Live By: Life Should Not Be A Journey To The Grave With The Intention Of Arriving Safely In An Attractive And Well Preserved Body, But Rather To Skid In Sideways, Scotch In One Hand, Cigar In The Other, Body Thoroughly Used Up, Totally Worn Out And Screaming Woo Hoo, What A Ride! | 4477 |
| Motto To Live By: Life Should Not Be A Journey To The Grave With The Intention Of Arriving Safely In An Attractive And Well Preserved Body, But Rather To Skid In Sideways. Champagne In One Hand Chocolate In The Other Body Thoroughly Used Up, Totally Worn Out And Screaming Woo Hoo! What A Ride! | 5904 |
| Motto To Live By: Life Should Not Be A Journey To The Grave With The Intention Of Arriving Safely In An Attractive And Well Preserved Body, But Rather To Skid In Sideways. Cigarette In One Hand Beer In The Other Body Thoroughly Used Up, Totally Worn Out And Screaming Woo Hoo! What A Ride! | 5898 |
| Moxy Is Good | 5652 |
| My Grandma Used It, My Mom Threw It, And I Bought It | 318 |
| My House Is A Mess But My Homepage Looks Fantastic! | 5773 |
| My idea of a stressful job is one where you have to work with other people. | 4554 |
| My Indian Name Is Running Tab | 5841 |
| My Indian Name Is She Who Must Be Obeyed | 4415 |
| My Indian Name Is Shops For Shoes | 4215 |
| My Life Broken Down Into Segments Eating Sleeping Working Looking For Things I Had A Minute Ago | 5680 |
| My Next Husband Will Be Normal | 833 |
| My Therapist Says I'm In Denial. As If That Could Ever Happen | 5714 |
| My Tools My Rules | 5840 |
| Never Put Off Till Tomorrow What You Can Ignore Entirely | 606 |
| No Coffee No Workee | 5939 |
| No Pissy Attitudes | 895 |
| No Solicitation No Politics No Proselytizing No Fundraisers, Except Girl Scout Cookies Welcome! | 5868 |
| No Vacancy | 300 |
| No Whining | 301 |
| Nobody puts baby in a corner! | 4605 |
| Normal Around Here Is Just A Setting On The Dryer | 607 |
| Nothing stresses me out. Except having to seek the approval of my inferiors. ~Dwight Schrute | 4138 |
| Now Play Nice | 303 |
| Oh ***** It Let's Ride (With Motorcycle Graphic) | 5816 |
| Oh Behave! | 310 |
| Oh Sure..But What's The Speed Of Dark?! | 5615 |
| Old Age Ain't For Sissies ~ Bette Davis | 598 |
| Old Age And Treachery Always Triumph Over Youth And Skill | 837 |
| Old School | 5534 |
| On Hiatus | 233 |
| One Out Of Four People In This Country Is Mentally Unbalanced. Think Of Your Three Closest Friends; If They Seem Ok, Then You're The One. ~ Ann Landers | 473 |
| Ool..Notice There Is No P In Our Pool..Let's Keep It That Way | 5537 |
| Our Aim Is To Keep This Bathroom Clean: Gentlemen - Your aim will help. Stand closer, it's shorter than you think. Ladies - Please remain seated for the entire performance. | 4504 |
| Oversharing Prohibited Do Not Want Hear It | 5066 |
| P.M.S. Purchase More Shoes | 5004 |
| Plays Well With Others | 894 |
| Poker If You Haven't Spotted The Sucker In 20 Minutes, It's You. | 5086 |
| Port Of Indecision | 495 |
| Powered By Caffeine | 752 |
| Press This Button For Maid Service. If No Answer - Do It Yourself | 619 |
| Prozac Schmozac. Haven't These People Ever Heard Of A Martini? ~ Murray | 567 |
| Public Notice: Due to recent budget cuts, the rising cost of electricity, gas, and oil, plus the current state of the economy, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. Have a nice day. | 4432 |
| Put On Your Big Girl Panties & Deal With It | 317 |
| Queen Bee (with crown graphic) | 4522 |
| Queen Crabby Pants | 5710 |
| Queen of the Castle (with castle graphic) | 4536 |
| Quitcherbellyachin | 841 |
| Remember As Far As Everyone Else Is Concerned, We Are A Nice Normal Family | 5608 |
| Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, only she did it backwards and in high heels! | 4230 |
| Retirement: Twice As Much Husband, Half As Much Money | 472 |
| Road Kill Café - You Kill It We Grill It! | 4575 |
| Rolling With My Gnomies | 4005 |
| Rumpus Room | 279 |
| Sarcasm Just One More Service I Offer | 5700 |
| Save It For Your Blog | 5829 |
| Searching For An Enabler | 5713 |
| Seize Tomorrow | 843 |
| Sing to the tune of My Favorite Things: Botox and nose drops and needles for knitting, walkers and handrails and new dental fittings, bundles of magazines tied up in string, these are a few of my favorite things. Cadillacs and cataracts, hearing aids and glasses, Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses, pacemakers, golf carts, and porches with swings, these are a few of my favorite things. When the pipes leak, when the bones creak, when the knees go bad, I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don't feel so bad! Hot tea and crumpets and cornpads for bunions, no spicy hot food or food cooked with onions, bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring, these are a few of my favorite things. Back pain, confused brains and no need for sinnin', thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin', and we wont' mention our short shrunken frames, when we remember our favorite things. When the joints ache, when the hips break, when the eyes go dim, then I remember the great life I've had, and then I don't feel so bad! | 4102 |
| Slow! Grandparents At Play | 870 |
| Slow! Sasquatch Crossing | 629 |
| So Many Shoes So Little Time | 5518 |
| So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it. ~ Willy Wonka | 4607 |
| Some people are like slinkies, not really good for much, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs. | 4448 |
| Someday My Ship Will Come In (I'm Sure I'll Be At The Airport) | 868 |
| Someone's HEAD is going to ROLL for this! ~ Alice in Wonderland | 4312 |
| Sometimes I Wake Up Grumpy, Other Times I Let Him Sleep | 736 |
| Speak your mind, but ride a fast horse! | 4052 |
| Stop Global Whining | 5599 |
| Talk Nerdy To Me | 5733 |
| The Ass Family: Smart - Wise - Kiss - Sassy - Stink | 610 |
| The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves | 839 |
| The Best Way To Forget All Your Troubles Is To Wear Tight Shoes | 5914 |
| The Cow Died So I Don't Need Your Bull! | 533 |
| The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges. | 4365 |
| The History Of Jack Schitt | 526 |
| The Hormone Guide (funny chart) | 4210 |
| The Older I Get The Better I Was | 974 |
| The Only Thing More Overrated Than Natural Childbirth Is The Joy Of Owning Your Own Business. | 4019 |
| The Queen Is Not Accepting An Audience Today | 801 |
| The Queen Is Not Amused | 569 |
| The Queen Of Everything | 715 |
| The Queen of Farting Around | 4595 |
| The Right Shoes Can Change Your Life ~ Cinderella | 5517 |
| The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. - Lucille Ball | 4265 |
| The Single Biggest Problem With Communication Is The Illusion That It Has Taken Place. | 4020 |
| The Taj Garaj | 4218 |
| The Voices Don't Like You | 5775 |
| The Voices Told Me To Buy It | 5738 |
| The Voices Told Me To Buy More Shoes | 5737 |
| The Voices Wanted Me To Call In Sick Today | 5785 |
| The Voices Won't Let Me Diet | 5776 |
| There Can Not Be A Crisis This Week. My Schedule Is Full | 5625 |
| There's A Pill For That | 5720 |
| Things Our Mothers Taught Us - 21 Humorous Anecdotes Vertical | 5091 |
| This Mess Is A Place | 546 |
| This place is a country music song waiting to happen! | 4555 |
| Thou Shalt Not Whine | 608 |
| To Err Is Human. To Really Foul Things Up Requires A Computer | 463 |
| Today's Menu: Take It Or Leave It | 609 |
| Today's Modern Woman - Clean house. Healthy dinner on the table (at dinnertime). Fit, trim & well-groomed. Works full-time. Laundry done and put away. Great sex life. . . Pick any two. | 4523 |
| Tomorrow Is Often The Busiest Day Of The Year. ~ Spanish Proverb | 5582 |
| Too much of a good thing is wonderful! ~ Mae West | 4087 |
| TSA Office Memos: Can't see London, can't see France, unless we see your underpants. Grope discounts available. If we did our job any better we'd have to buy you dinner first! Only we know if Lady Gaga is really a lady. We are now free to move about your pants. Wanna fly? Drop your fly. We've handled more balls than Barney Frank. TSA: Touchin', Squeezin', Arrestin'. We rub you the wrong way so you can be on your way. You WERE a virgin. . . Don't worry, my hands are still warm from the last guy. It's not a grope. It's a freedom pat. When in doubt, we make you whip it out. We handle more packages than the USPS. | 4433 |
| Uff Da! | 4484 |
| Unattended Children Will Be Given An Espresso And A Free Puppy | 394 |
| Unruly Children Will Cheerfully Be Fed To The Trolls | 630 |
| Veni Vidi Visa...I Came I Saw I Shopped | 5036 |
| Veni, Vidi, Velcro - I came, I saw, I stuck around. | 4039 |
| Wag, and the world wags with you. Howl, and they put you outside. ~ Lady and the Tramp | 4315 |
| Wanted: Meaningful Overnight Relationship | 927 |
| Was Lean & Mean - Now Plumpy & Grumpy | 4524 |
| We Don't Dial 911 | 4368 |
| We May Not Have It All Together, But Together We Have It All | 289 |
| We Put The Fun In Dysfunctional | 395 |
| We'll Always Be Best Friends...Because You Know Too Much! | 4036 |
| Welcome Friends..Relatives By Appointment | 5564 |
| Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History | 500 |
| What Ever! | 5605 |
| What happens at the farm stays at the farm. | 4089 |
| What Happens In The Garage Stays In The Garage (lg) | 5527 |
| What Happens In The Salon, Stays In The Salon | 328 |
| What Happens In The Tiki Hut Stays In The Tiki Hut | 231 |
| What Happens On The Porch Stays On The Porch | k6038 |
| What I Really Need Are Minions | 5699 |
| What If The Hokey Pokey Is What It's All About (Lg) | 964 |
| What If The Hokey Pokey Is What It's All About? | 338 |
| What If The Hokey Pokey Is What It's All About?! (funky) | 5571 |
| What It Is | 5053 |
| What It Isn't | 5054 |
| What The World Really Needs Is More Love, Less Paperwork ~ Pearl Bailey | 877 |
| What We Have Here Is A Failure To Communicate ~ The Warden | 989 |
| What We Have Here Is A Failure To Give A Shit | 5533 |
| When asked if her house was hard to keep up she replied: "No, not at all. The trick is lowering your standards." | 4627 |
| Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, would an idiot do that? And if they would, I do not do that thing. ~Dwight Schrute | 4137 |
| Where's The Remote?! | 5717 |
| Who Left Me In Charge Of The Royal Sceptor?! | 5696 |
| Whoever Said Money Can't Buy Happiness Didn't Know Where To Shop. | 568 |
| With Luck And Planning, I'll Retire At 149 | 623 |
| Woo Hoo! | 925 |
| Woot! Woot! | 5060 |
| Word. | 5096 |
| Work With Me People. | 5080 |
| Would I rather be feared or loved? Um... Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me. ~Michael Scott | 4136 |
| Ya Think?! | 5059 |
| Yes...I can drive a stick. | 4628 |
| You Can Agree With Me Or You Can Be Wrong | 722 |
| You Don't Have To Be Crazy To Work Here. We'll Train You | 5632 |
| You Go Girl | 262 |
| You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you. | 4120 |
| You Know You're A Nurse If: You can drink a pot of coffee then go home and go to bed. You view stress as a normal part of life. You know the menu, phone numbers and delivery hours of every restaurant in town. You get a call giving you the name of your new admit and you have their Care Plan done before they even hit the floor. You believe a good tape job will fix everything. You believe everyone needs a good shot of vitamin H once in awhile. You believe the inventor of call bells has earned a special place in Hell. You know it's a full moon without looking at the sky. You believe PITA is an acceptable admitting diagnosis. You believe the number one rule of nursing is Don't Get Any On Ya. | 4324 |
| You look like I need a drink! | 4565 |
| You May Call Me Lord & Master | 5633 |
| You Mess With Me, You Mess With The Whole Trailer Park | 5715 |
| You Might Be A Nurse If. . .You've ever had a patient look you dead in the eye and say, I don't know how that got stuck there. You firmly believe that too stupid to live should be a diagnosis. You don't believe 90% of what you're told and 75% of what you see. You believe every waiting room should have a Valium salt lick. You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce. You believe the problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. | 4325 |
| You obviously do not know who you are dealing with. | 4090 |
| You're never too old to become younger. ~Mae West | 4129 |
| You're Never Too Old To Do Goofy Stuff. - Ward Cleaver, Leave It To Beaver | 4266 |
| Your Husband Called And Said It's Ok To Buy Anything You Want | 723 |
